Sarah captivated Richard almost from day one. He bought new items for his wardrobe, attended college on days when he didn't have to and made him think of any excuse to meet up with her or chat with her.
Sarah appeared a bit bemused by the attention at first. She answered a few of his e-mails and texts in a semi-flirtatious style, I felt because she was being friendly. She very quickly worked out what he was about and started qualifying answers with questions about myself and Craig.
At no stage did I ever feel threatened by Sarah. She made me feel at ease. I knew she was not being drawn into Richard's obsession. But Richard really upset me. At first Sarah appeared to me to be like any other fantasy woman he had gone on about. But it slowly dawned on me that something really huge was going on here. Richard became very depressed. The more Sarah withdrew, the more depressed he became. I became very involved in their relationship. I am sure Sarah had no idea that I did. Every time Richard wanted to contact her he was running it by me. Every time she said something I heard all about it. I gave advice on stepping back himself, giving her some space and then, when Richard felt he wanted to contact her again I was encouraging about it. He no longer trusted himself to make a good decision and was relying on me for that judgement.
All the time my heart was being ripped out. When Richard was depressed and needed me I felt very close to him. In some ways these were some of the best days of our relationship because I really felt needed. At the same time I was being emotionally crushed. Richard could not differentiate between when I needed space and when I needed closeness. He was not interested in how much strain I could bear. I don't even think now he understands what a hard time it was for me.
Sarah and Richard are hardly in touch now. Richard is still working through his feelings, he probably will be for the rest of his life, but Sarah, who made it blatant to me early on has made it blatant to Richard that they will never be together romantically. Now Richard is stronger I can tell him how it makes me feel. He thinks these feelings are new. He thinks I was okay. He doesn't know that I had stomach cramps, felt lonely, didn't know where to turn or what to do. He says I make it up and he tells me this contempt is new.
He doesn't realise that I liked Sarah. That I thought she was a good 'un. That it was Richard who hurt me. That it is Richard I blame for my leftover feelings of despair and relief.
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