Tuesday 9 April 2013

Why? Why don't you listen to me?


I have had a crap weekend. You have ruined it and you did nothing to redress the balance. You offered to help with the cat flea treatment but didn't. You treated Craig before he had done his share of the housework. You didn't spend any real family time with us. I tried to earlier lie in bed with you but you were asleep so it didn't really cut it.

You would rather tomorrow spend a night out with a bunch of students without being paid for it than spend time with your family. You don't care about us. It's all about your dog, your course, your horse.

You accuse me of being on Facebook when I'm not. You disconnect me from your friends and then connect to mine. Like that's fair?!

You bought Sarah expensive flowers but not me.

You ruined the film I was enjoying by keeping adding tasks to my list and then insisting on using the computer. Kept me out of bed because I'd had to rewind it several times. You could have sat and watched with me, you might have enjoyed it. But you only want to do things if it's your idea. You can't let me have my own ideas and imagination. I tried to make a conversation with you tonight. To get you to show some interest in me. But you want to talk pain management and animals. Fine - but there's a time and place and just then wasn't it.

You tell me I can spend money at the same time as plunging us into the red. What am I supposed to do? Make it worse?

I can't socialise with my group when I go to meet them because not once have you made sure Craig is in bed before I get home. Not even once. So I never get to socialise. I go to meetings and teachings and when they go to the pub I leave because I know I can't go because my son won't be in bed. I cannot depend on you.

You wonder why I hate you or dislike you. When you treat me like this. You go on and on and on about other women. All the time. And when I complain you brush it off. Like it doesn't matter. But it still hurts every time and each time when you talk about another girl I am still hurting from the last one, two, three. You don't care.

One day we went to Lidl and a woman remarked to me that you would never change. Craig was still a baby. She's right. You haven't. You're worse.

I won't be treated like this. I can't believe you're even thinking about going. But you will. And you'll come back off your face. As always.

Interesting you think you have to go out socialising more than me. Nothing multiplied by 3 or 4 still equals nothing.

When do I get to go to Carers? When do I get to hang out with friends? When do I get to do some socialising with my group? You have me on a chain so I can't cheat. Because you don't trust me. Set me up in the Educators and similar - make sure you look like you're supporting me. Let me run m,y calendar? No way! I have been asking for a date to meet Ed for 3 months. He's actually given up asking because you haven't answered me. I don't want your diary. I want you.

You don't value any of what I do. You exaggerate the hours you work. You minimise the hours I do. Even your mum says it's not possible to work 120 hours a week.

You have no interest in sorting this out. You say I'm nasty when I write to you. But you don't listen if I try to tell you how I feel.

If you can't start to be fair I don't want to be in this relationship. I can't do it. It feels like you have so much freedom and I don't have any.


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