Boundaries

I was in a relationship with Richard long before he was diagnosed with a personality disorder. And while I didn't know what his eventual diagnosis would be, I did have some sort of feeling that my boundaries were being trodden on which was why I was starting to feel so rubbish myself.

I am lead to believe that boundaries are the way forward if I wish to continue a life being Richard's partner. This sounds quite simple but in reality it isn't. If I lay down a boundary he laughs at me, tells me he's not doing it or ignores me completely.

I have told him and told him. I don't want drawers to be left open, washing up left in the sink, to do all the ironing. But this is not setting boundaries. To me I am telling him what I want, what I need in order to improve the way I feel about life. This constant chaos is not where my mind naturally fits. To him I am just nagging.

So I need to bring in consequences. Ironic because I am to all intents and purposes controlled by Richard and one of his mechanisms is to use consequences.

I have begun my first proper foray into consequences: If Richard drops clothes on the floor I will stop ironing his shirts. Well I have to start somewhere, and it might as well be with something small that's going to make a difference.

Feel free to give me some pointers in the comments section below.....