Family Therapy

We've been going to Family Therapy for a few months now. It's a funny old session. But it has really helped me. I hope eventually it will help us all.

Before Family Therapy, Richard's consultant would call me in now and then to be part of his assessment. He saw Richard several times in between. It was, as I always expected it to be, all about Richard. I felt unsupported but I felt a sense of duty too. I would never have called myself a carer and I would never have dreamed of asking for help and support.

Since Richard's new diagnosis I have benefited greatly from the realisation of his care team that I am part of his life. I suppose I have been fortunate with the postcode lottery because it has afforded us Family Therapy. Richard is still seen by his care team without me present, which is very important.

Family Therapy is held by a group of professionals. We talk too one member mainly and the rest of the team watch the session on video. Every now and then they phone through with pointers and near the end they come into the room and share their thoughts on the session.

Richard has had a few clashes with work and I don't like to pull Craig out of school if I can help it. Overall it has either been me or one or both of the other two. Craig doesn't always have much to say but he likes to be centre of attention and we notice his behaviour change if Richard or I become too self focused.

I still don't know whether Richard takes it seriously. He says disparaging things about the counsellors but when I recently tried to stop going, because I thought there was no point without him, he made a huge effort to be there.

It's been a bit skewed because several sessions have been me on my own. But it has definitely been worth it. I am not made to feel as if the problems we are experiencing are my fault. I have been able to be open about my own behaviour, which can be rather erratic under all this pressure from home. I have come to understand a whole lot more about personality disorder and why Richard does and says the things he does. I have become more at ease talking about the daily struggles we face. I have smiled, told a few stories of good times, told a lot of stories about bad times, cried until I wondered if I could cry no more. I have learned not to wear mascara to these sessions, it may make me feel good on the way in but smudged mascara on the way out doesn't do anything to make me feel better.

I feel listened to. When I talk to friends and family it is hard to know if they are listening because they are interested or because you've cornered them and there is nowhere to turn. I feel they want to shake me and tell me to leave him. I fear they might not want to talk to me again because they know the next episode will be the same as the previous one and I am so wrapped up in my life.

In Family Therapy all our views are valid. Whether it's that Craig has drawn a funny picture, that Richard thinks I am mad, that I just want to curl up in a ball and never wake up. It all means something. It's all part of our family tapestry.

I don't know if Richard will be able to keep going. I don't know how long we will be allowed to attend for. But it is so valuable to me at the moment. To know that there are people who can make sense of the mayhem that is our world. To know that they have sensible views and beliefs. To be able to trust them with our self-destruction and the belief that some relief will come from these sessions, slowly but surely.